Poem 2

Also untitled.


Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.
I'm too much of a coward to do the deed myself.
How can I have changed so much?
These new attributes that eat away my own health.

Every look, touch, taste, smell,
Keep me trapped in this infernal hell.
So throw me away, the broken boy.
No longer wanted, a worthless toy.

Self-loathing perpetuates, surrounds my form.
No one's wants are in sync, mine least of all.
For the sake of others, I tear myself apart.
They shall be happy, at the expense of my heart.

Creeping shivers rack my spine,
Empty eyes scream but suppressed.
The reason for my punishment, I pray for a sign.
Wasted prayers, like all others, that will never be blessed.

A smile at the door, hair tickling the face.
Just doing nothing, in a perfect, unimportant place.
I try to escape, block every last trace.
This pain.... This pain.... Make it stop, please....

Stand close, so present, always aware.
Fight the urge to look up and stare.
Stay down. Out of sight, out of mind.
This ridiculous search for something I will never find.

Push me away, then fly back caring.
A two sided front that I find so wearing.
But I cannot resist my gluttony for hurt,
Knowing at the start that words so curt,
Will destroy me again.

I was a terrible boyfriend.
I am a terrible friend.
I am a terrible person.
I deserve for this pain to never end.

Voices. Voices in my head.
Pounding. Unending. Drown everything.
Everything is dead.
Nothingness is King.

Is this my last resort?
To save one shred of life?
The last strand is pulled so taught...
It's your choice now. So lower the knife.

My greatest fear. Alone again.
No one cares. Alone again.
Crumble away. Alone again.
Let them be happy. That's all I ask.

A spirit amongst ghosts, but my light is dying.
Maintain the façade through continuous lying.
Not long from now, it will flicker and die.
And no one will know. Or care. Or wonder why.